Don’t forget to check your spam box!

I don't normally pay much attention to all the spam that comes into my email, but for some reason I decided to open a couple up today. Wow, I never knew how entertaining these can be!

This one was from "Amy Larson" Title- get a hold of me tomorrow..

hi, its me.. amy. I haven't heard back from you buddy Where are you
hiding?? Are you still interested in meeting up sometime? I'm not too
far from you. Your message was great and I really liked your profile. I
think we would click. To tell you a little about me... I just got out
of a relationship of three years. We barely ever had sex! I'm ready to
enjoy myself and have some fun You up for it? (hehe). Are you still
interested even?? I can't wait to meet you sometime soon. Maybe we could
rent a movie and stay in one night. Let me know when you have some
free time. You can reach me through my profile on this site. My user name
is pinkprincess.

http://www.searchforafling.com

Get in touch with me soon. Don't wait too long, I might find someone
else to hang out with just kidding.

Hope you like the new pictures.. talk to you tomorrow if you get this!
Amy

I'm not going to say much, but I thought that was pretty hilarious, and I think some desperate, horny men will be intrigued & log on to that site based on that email.

Now this one's a doozy.. From "Barry Williams" Title- Urgent From Refund Department

Nations to the Economic community of West African States to pay 100 scammed Foreign 419 victims five hundred thousand United States Dollars each, you are listed and approved for this payment as one of the scammed victims. Get back to me as soon as possible for the immediate procession of your compensations funds.
On this faithful recommendations, I want you to know that during the last ECOWAS meetings, it was alarmed so much by the rest of the world in the meeting on the lose of funds by various foreigners to the scam artists operating syndicates all over the West African states and in U.K today, the president of this Organization with its member countries is now paying 100 victims the sum of five hundred thousand United States Dollars each.
According to the number of applicants at hand,64 beneficiaries have been paid of which half of the victims are from the United States, we still have more 36 left to be paid the compensation of five hundred thousand United States Dollars each. Your particulars was mentioned by some of the syndicates who was arrested in some parts of West Africa and also in U.K as one of the victims of the operations, you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to any body for any reason what so ever because investigations is still going on to get the rest of the culprits. Information on how you will be paid will be sent to you as son as we get your response.
Note that you’re to put your reference number in all your corresponding emails to us and also you are to send us your Full Names and Phone Numbers so we can reach on to you. As we receive your return email towards processing your compensation. Executive Director, Mr. Barry Williams Telephone: +2348065005390 Email- Barryfunds@hotmail.com or info@victimsrefund.ourprofile.org

Oh , I think I just pissed myself. Scamming people who already have been or believe themselves to be scammed. I guess there are a lot of really dumb, gullible people out there, though.

And the part about not copying or disclosing this email to anyone- fucking funny. What? Does that mean I don't get my refund, then? Damn!

This one is good and generic enough that it actually looks plausible(if you're not the brightest star in the sky)

From Secret Admirer Title- You have a secret admirer

A secret admirer has sent you a message.  Below you will find the
message and the link to view your secret admirer:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey, I'm not gonna give away my name, but I'm going to give you a few
hints.  My first hint is:  I worked with a friend of yours and we ended
up meeting at a bar we were together at.  My second hint is: I have
brown hair and brown eyes.  My third hint is: I drink vodka tonics.  I
think we even had a discussion about it that night, but maybe not.
Anyway, I have a crush on you and would like to meet up sometime if you're
interested.  Drop me a line if you think you know who I am.  Hope to hear
from you 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To view your secret admirer follow this link:
www.truehotsexdates.com

I mean, I've met lots of friends' coworkers in bars, brown hair & brown eyes are among the many descriptions, I'm positive, I also tend to have conversations about favorite alcoholic drinks.. and hey- I'm hot. People like me & have crushes on me! Yeah! (Daily affirmation complete)

On a bored moment, check your spam box and read some of this junk. I found it fairly entertaining!

Life Sucking Kids

That’s what a wise friend of mine says. It’s so damn true.  When it’s not one, it’s the other. Most of the time it’s both.  How wonderful it is to have children! Sure, for a while, until they learn to walk and talk. Then it’s holy hell. I remember how it was with my first. When he got into his terrible twos, I thought I’d go mad, but looked forward to that stage passing. Then I found out it doesn’t stop at two. It goes on until you kick their asses out the door at 18(if you’re really lucky). Add another child to the mix. ‘What the hell have I done??’  You realize your life has pretty much ended at that point.

Here’s a morning in the life of Nikki-

Wake up, hear son’s alarm going off, go in and I have to drag him out of bed and threaten him with all kinds of violent inhumane acts if he doesn’t get up and get dressed.  Go into the screaming daughter’s room to find a pee soaked bed and a kid who insists on being carried even though she’s perfectly capable of walking herself.

Go downstairs to change said wet girl’s diaper, wipe her down & change clothes and give her some milk and turn on her favorite children’s channel.  Run back up the stairs to find son laying half unconscious on his bedroom floor, exactly where I left him 10 minutes ago. Shake & yell to wake him up, and threaten more terrible things, while laying his clothes out right in front of him.  Go back to my room to do a quick wipedown / change/ brush.

Back to son’s room to ask if he’s done getting dressed. Let’s say today is a good day. He says, “yes almost.”

Venture back downstairs to realize that I forgot to set up the coffee last night. Start cursing under my breath while fixing it. Go take my medications so I won’t go completely crazy this morning. Curse out loud when I see mine have been moved, and I have to re-find them. See son come downstairs, sockless and shirtless, opening the pantry & sitting down on the floor.

“Where are your socks & shirt??”

“Oh, I forgot them.”

“I laid them out right in front of you!!”

(now getting that attitude in his voice) “Soo-ooorry!”

“Just get your breakfast!”

another 5 minutes passes..I go in for my first cup of coffee.

“Why aren’t you eating breakfast??”

“I can’t decide what I want to eat.”

“We don’t have a lot of fucking choices! Cereal, poptarts, or the chocolate chip waffles you begged for 3 weeks ago, but haven’t bothered to eat!”

“Those waffles take too much time to make. Can’t you cook me some eggs?”

“What do you mean, they take too long to make? You just stick them in the goddamn toaster and then put some butter and syrup on them! And no, I’m not making eggs! You’re running late, so just fucking pick something!!!”

(pouting)”Well you don’t have to yell…*sigh* I guess I’ll just have some cereal. Hey! Who ate the last of the Fruit Loops???!!”

“I don’t know- you or your father. We have 2 other types in there!”

“aww..But I really wanted Fruit Loops.”

“If you don’t find something to eat in the next 5 seconds,. I swear (insert more punishment or bodily harm here)!”

*huffs*”Fine.”

He then wanders around kitchen, will inevitably take out a fork and cup, not spoon & bowl. Huffs some more while pouring cereal and milk. I can see him doing the pee pee dance (don’t they usually outgrow that before their teen years???), nag him to go to the bathroom, and after some insistence that he doesn’t have to go, stomps/runs to the restroom.

He finishes eating his cereal. I then remind him to clean up after himself and to go back upstairs& get his socks, shirt and glasses.  Meanwhile, Mike comes down from his shower and after a hug & kiss,  quickly makes his escape. ‘Lucky Bastard’ I think to myself.

Yell up to son to hurry it up & get downstairs. “Just a minute- I’m looking for something!”

Another 5-10 minutes quickly pass, filled with toddler shrieks & squeals, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Son gets downstairs, I nag him to brush his teeth. He spends 5 minutes in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror. “Get to brushing your teeth, son!”  “I’m about to!!”

After he does brush his teeth I see him rush to put some probably inappropriate item in his backpack.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“Bring me your fucking backpack- NOW!”

“I don’t see why you want to..”(I snatch the backpack)

“Why do you want to bring a torn apart Rubick’s cube to school??”

“Cuz we’re doing tricks with them- you know like crosses and blah blah blah”

“You don’t need to lose another toy at school. You can do your tricks after you get home.”

“Mo-om! I won’t lose this one, I swear!”

“That’s what you said about such & such and some other thingamajig. NO.”

More huffing and puffing.

I go to pee(cup of coffee has kicked in now), and step in a puddle of piss. “SON!!! Get in here!”

“What?” as he approaches tentatively.

“Look at that!”

“At what? I don’t see anything..”

“It’s pee- you peed all over the fucking floor, and I just walked in it!”

“It’s probably just water.”

“It’s yellow, and over by the toilet, not the sink. Get in here & clean it up.”

He reaches for some toilet paper.

“That’s not going to get it up- use the lysol wipe- right there!”

…

I’ll cut to he heads out the door, I sigh a heavy sigh of relief.  By this time daughter’s yelling “num num, num num, num num!”  She’s hungry.

“What do you want to eat? How about some cereal?”

“NO!”

I look to the cereal & see the milk jug there in the pantry. ‘That kid better be glad he’s already out of here!’

We run the gamut of the pantry and fridge, and I can’t seem to find what she wants..  The headache sets in. Another fine morning at the Darling House!