This one was from "Amy Larson" Title- get a hold of me tomorrow..

hi, its me.. amy. I haven't heard back from you buddy Where are you
hiding?? Are you still interested in meeting up sometime? I'm not too
far from you. Your message was great and I really liked your profile. I
think we would click. To tell you a little about me... I just got out
of a relationship of three years. We barely ever had sex! I'm ready to
enjoy myself and have some fun You up for it? (hehe). Are you still
interested even?? I can't wait to meet you sometime soon. Maybe we could
rent a movie and stay in one night. Let me know when you have some
free time. You can reach me through my profile on this site. My user name
is pinkprincess.

http://www.searchforafling.com

Get in touch with me soon. Don't wait too long, I might find someone
else to hang out with just kidding.

Hope you like the new pictures.. talk to you tomorrow if you get this!
Amy

I'm not going to say much, but I thought that was pretty hilarious, and I think some desperate, horny men will be intrigued & log on to that site based on that email.

Now this one's a doozy.. From "Barry Williams" Title- Urgent From Refund Department

Nations to the Economic community of West African States to pay 100 scammed Foreign 419 victims five hundred thousand United States Dollars each, you are listed and approved for this payment as one of the scammed victims. Get back to me as soon as possible for the immediate procession of your compensations funds.
On this faithful recommendations, I want you to know that during the last ECOWAS meetings, it was alarmed so much by the rest of the world in the meeting on the lose of funds by various foreigners to the scam artists operating syndicates all over the West African states and in U.K today, the president of this Organization with its member countries is now paying 100 victims the sum of five hundred thousand United States Dollars each.
According to the number of applicants at hand,64 beneficiaries have been paid of which half of the victims are from the United States, we still have more 36 left to be paid the compensation of five hundred thousand United States Dollars each. Your particulars was mentioned by some of the syndicates who was arrested in some parts of West Africa and also in U.K as one of the victims of the operations, you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to any body for any reason what so ever because investigations is still going on to get the rest of the culprits. Information on how you will be paid will be sent to you as son as we get your response.
Note that you’re to put your reference number in all your corresponding emails to us and also you are to send us your Full Names and Phone Numbers so we can reach on to you. As we receive your return email towards processing your compensation. Executive Director, Mr. Barry Williams Telephone: +2348065005390 Email- Barryfunds@hotmail.com or info@victimsrefund.ourprofile.org

Oh , I think I just pissed myself. Scamming people who already have been or believe themselves to be scammed. I guess there are a lot of really dumb, gullible people out there, though.

This one is good and generic enough that it actually looks plausible(if you're not the brightest star in the sky)

From Secret Admirer Title- You have a secret admirer

A secret admirer has sent you a message.  Below you will find the
message and the link to view your secret admirer:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey, I'm not gonna give away my name, but I'm going to give you a few
hints.  My first hint is:  I worked with a friend of yours and we ended
up meeting at a bar we were together at.  My second hint is: I have
brown hair and brown eyes.  My third hint is: I drink vodka tonics.  I
think we even had a discussion about it that night, but maybe not.
Anyway, I have a crush on you and would like to meet up sometime if you're
interested.  Drop me a line if you think you know who I am.  Hope to hear
from you 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To view your secret admirer follow this link:
www.truehotsexdates.com

I mean, I've met lots of friends' coworkers in bars, brown hair & brown eyes are among the many descriptions, I'm positive, I also tend to have conversations about favorite alcoholic drinks.. and hey- I'm hot. People like me & have crushes on me! Yeah! (Daily affirmation complete)

On a bored moment, check your spam box and read some of this junk. I found it fairly entertaining!

Here’s a morning in the life of Nikki-

Wake up, hear son’s alarm going off, go in and I have to drag him out of bed and threaten him with all kinds of violent inhumane acts if he doesn’t get up and get dressed.  Go into the screaming daughter’s room to find a pee soaked bed and a kid who insists on being carried even though she’s perfectly capable of walking herself.

Go downstairs to change said wet girl’s diaper, wipe her down & change clothes and give her some milk and turn on her favorite children’s channel.  Run back up the stairs to find son laying half unconscious on his bedroom floor, exactly where I left him 10 minutes ago. Shake & yell to wake him up, and threaten more terrible things, while laying his clothes out right in front of him.  Go back to my room to do a quick wipedown / change/ brush.

Back to son’s room to ask if he’s done getting dressed. Let’s say today is a good day. He says, “yes almost.”

Venture back downstairs to realize that I forgot to set up the coffee last night. Start cursing under my breath while fixing it. Go take my medications so I won’t go completely crazy this morning. Curse out loud when I see mine have been moved, and I have to re-find them. See son come downstairs, sockless and shirtless, opening the pantry & sitting down on the floor.

“Where are your socks & shirt??”

“Oh, I forgot them.”

“I laid them out right in front of you!!”

(now getting that attitude in his voice) “Soo-ooorry!”

“Just get your breakfast!”

another 5 minutes passes..I go in for my first cup of coffee.

“Why aren’t you eating breakfast??”

“I can’t decide what I want to eat.”

“We don’t have a lot of fucking choices! Cereal, poptarts, or the chocolate chip waffles you begged for 3 weeks ago, but haven’t bothered to eat!”

“Those waffles take too much time to make. Can’t you cook me some eggs?”

“What do you mean, they take too long to make? You just stick them in the goddamn toaster and then put some butter and syrup on them! And no, I’m not making eggs! You’re running late, so just fucking pick something!!!”

(pouting)”Well you don’t have to yell…*sigh* I guess I’ll just have some cereal. Hey! Who ate the last of the Fruit Loops???!!”

“I don’t know- you or your father. We have 2 other types in there!”

“aww..But I really wanted Fruit Loops.”

“If you don’t find something to eat in the next 5 seconds,. I swear (insert more punishment or bodily harm here)!”

*huffs*”Fine.”

He then wanders around kitchen, will inevitably take out a fork and cup, not spoon & bowl. Huffs some more while pouring cereal and milk. I can see him doing the pee pee dance (don’t they usually outgrow that before their teen years???), nag him to go to the bathroom, and after some insistence that he doesn’t have to go, stomps/runs to the restroom.

He finishes eating his cereal. I then remind him to clean up after himself and to go back upstairs& get his socks, shirt and glasses.  Meanwhile, Mike comes down from his shower and after a hug & kiss,  quickly makes his escape. ‘Lucky Bastard’ I think to myself.

Yell up to son to hurry it up & get downstairs. “Just a minute- I’m looking for something!”

Another 5-10 minutes quickly pass, filled with toddler shrieks & squeals, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Son gets downstairs, I nag him to brush his teeth. He spends 5 minutes in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror. “Get to brushing your teeth, son!”  “I’m about to!!”

After he does brush his teeth I see him rush to put some probably inappropriate item in his backpack.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“Bring me your fucking backpack- NOW!”

“I don’t see why you want to..”(I snatch the backpack)

“Why do you want to bring a torn apart Rubick’s cube to school??”

“Cuz we’re doing tricks with them- you know like crosses and blah blah blah”

“You don’t need to lose another toy at school. You can do your tricks after you get home.”

“Mo-om! I won’t lose this one, I swear!”

“That’s what you said about such & such and some other thingamajig. NO.”

More huffing and puffing.

I go to pee(cup of coffee has kicked in now), and step in a puddle of piss. “SON!!! Get in here!”

“What?” as he approaches tentatively.

“Look at that!”

“At what? I don’t see anything..”

“It’s pee- you peed all over the fucking floor, and I just walked in it!”

“It’s probably just water.”

“It’s yellow, and over by the toilet, not the sink. Get in here & clean it up.”

He reaches for some toilet paper.

“That’s not going to get it up- use the lysol wipe- right there!”

…

I’ll cut to he heads out the door, I sigh a heavy sigh of relief.  By this time daughter’s yelling “num num, num num, num num!”  She’s hungry.

“What do you want to eat? How about some cereal?”

“NO!”

I look to the cereal & see the milk jug there in the pantry. ‘That kid better be glad he’s already out of here!’

We run the gamut of the pantry and fridge, and I can’t seem to find what she wants..  The headache sets in. Another fine morning at the Darling House!

4:30 he comes into the bedroom. The smell of stale smoke was so strong, my already inflamed sinuses went wild. He attempted to talk to me a bit & then fell asleep. At 8am Princess is up, so I fall out of bed to attend to her & make sure my son got breakfast. Hubby sleeps a while longer, comes downstairs just to tell me he threw up, I guess, grabbed some water & went back to bed.

Another 3 hours later, he graces us with his ill presence. Moaning & whining, he takes some advil, tums, grabs another glass of water & returns to bed. It’s about 4 pm, when he’s finally up for good. I’ve spent the day fighting with our son over getting his homework done, dealt with little miss fussybutt and her cranky self, and missed an opportunity to go see my mom. Luckily I had laundry done or I’d have been really pissed.

I didn’t give him too hard a time about it, but did make the ‘Gee, I wish I could lay around all day when I have a hangover after partying all night’ comment. I passed out on the couch around 10:30 last night due to my own lack of sleep the night before. Imagine that! He watched the finale of This Old House in New Orleans without me.

Hmmph. Next time I’m going with, even if I have to jump out of a cake half naked.

When my family moved to D.C. in the early 90′s, my parents started traveling more and leaving me (at 19 or 20) and my brother (15 or 16) at home. Naturally we had parties, people drank, smoked tobacco & pot in the basement & we all had some harmless fun.

Well, after ditching college for the 2nd time, I decided to join the Navy. My parents kept my room for when I’d be able to come home(not often! I think I made it home twice in my Naval Career)and I obviously couldn’t take many clothes with me, so they stayed behind, too.

Fast forward several years later- back at home and working in the real world. My lil bro, sweet guy that he is, decided to tell me about one party he had soon after I had left for Great Mistakes, Il. Oh it was wild. One of his friends (not so amazingly called ‘Bad J.’ as opposed to is other friend the ‘Good J.’ ) decided to take his girlfriend up to my room. Ewwwwww…

I wondered if the bed linens were washed before I slept on them again. Double Ewwwwww.

Then he tells me that freaky Bad J. fessed up that he also wore my underwear!!!!!!!!! *gag* I don’t exactly know what kind of thing that was about, nor do I want to know, but he PUT THEM BACK in my drawer after wearing them!!!!! I had no clue which ones, and chances are I’d worn them since. I still get nauseated thinking about it now, and that was many years ago.

The moral of this story is, that there are worse things than having your underwear stolen. I wish mine were.

And obviously, if they turn up, wash them many times or else just trash em & buy some new ones!

As I’m turning on the last show, Michael comes out & asks if any new Law & Order was recorded. I looked and told him no. I asked if he’d like to come out & sit with me on the sofa(“you can use my laptop while I watch”). He just walked away. ‘Screw you’, I thought.

About 3 mins into this show I get up to go pee. As I’m passing by the office, I see Porn on the computer! What the fuckity fuck??? He notices me & quickly closes the window. I get out of the bathroom, shout “If you’re done jerking off in there, fine, come pick a show to watch!”

I stewed the rest of the evening. He kept offering me a sinus rub ( I have a sinus infection- yuck), and I poutily declined. I mean, I’m by no means conservative. I think pornography is fun. I enjoy a good movie with my hubby(except the ones with girls that spit and gag on cock- that is such a turnoff) TMI? Probably, but just so you realize I’m not a total freak. So, as I was saying, perhaps I shouldn’t have been mad, but this is a guy who’s told me he hasn’t masturbated since he met me, and told me he never watches porn without me. He knows I do & is cool with it (cuz it means he’s off the hook some days). If the situation was reversed, and I was one of those chicks who didn’t put out all the time, I could understand him watching dirty movies alone, but I’m not- so it just made me feel insecure & unattractive.(especially after that dream last week!!)

He apologized later & did his best to make it up to me. Am I being too harsh? What are your thoughts on this? Are you cool with your spouse/significant other watching porn? Do you do it without your significant other?

He wakes me up at god knows what hour to tell me about the bad dream he had. Apparently I became paranoid about the government or something, and started buying guns. I don’t know if it was Waco-ish or what, but it scared the shit out of him. Or maybe it was the 2nd part, where I opened up a ton of new credit cards. Doesn’t sound that frightening to me, but whatever.

He’s got a Bachelor party for one of his best friends next weekend. So I dreamed he went to this sex club where they let you watch people..only he decided to join in. My intuition must have kicked in, because I showed up to drag his ass home, but he wouldn’t leave. I woke up livid. I didn’t tell him about my dream- I had calmed down by the time he woke up (You see, I’m FAR more considerate when I have a nightmare!)

So the other night, we’re sitting in front of the tv, wishing there was something decent to watch, and Michael mentions that he got an e-mail from one of the other groomsmen, trying to figure out what they’re doing for the Bachelor Party. Their plans so far consisted of Hooters followed by barhopping. Kinda lame, but definitely tame & good for married men. This guy suggested that they should go to a strip club. A really Skanky one. I’m not saying we have a lot of classy ‘exotic dance establishments’ in the ATL, but this one is plain nasty. I really wouldn’t be surprised if the people do fuck back in the VIP room of this place. So I blurt out “You know you’re not allowed to go to any titty bars without me!” He responds with “Well I’m sure I could sneak you in.” I realized I was overreacting, but told him he’d better go to one of the ones I approve of, where the girls are more unapproachable & don’t look like they’d give a blowjob for 5 bucks.

The next day, I’m going through the mail. Michael walks in to take his (the bills! ha!), and sees a fat envelope from Nordstroms. He feels the envelope and his eyes widen as he feels the card in there. I could see his brain working.. I quickly say “Remember, honey, I TOLD you I got that one! I had to buy a dress for so&so’s wedding and I get $20 back for every $100 I spend with it!” I pull out the other envelope with my rewards certificate. I see the pulse in his neck slow down, as he, too realizes he was reacting from his dream. At least I didn’t buy a gun with it. I will, though if he goes to that disease ridden strip club.

Many years ago (alright, not THAT many) I was thin. A thin me equals a small chested me. I always wanted some tits, but didn’t want to spend money on breast augmentation. I was also single. I also liked to party. And meet men..

Well I went out and bought me some boobies. Yes, I know what I just said..not surgery. I got some falsies. They were so soft, made out of silicone & really natural looking. I was a cup size larger & thought I was so hot. I started wearing them all the time, but especially when going out to the clubs.

One night at a club, my friends and I were all drinking and dancing (of course!). I met this hot guy & everyone was having a great time. One minute I was dancing and smiling coyly, and the next I was grabbing at my lopsided chest and scanning the dancefloor for my lost enhancement. Aha, I saw it! But it would be so obvious if I picked it up(like me covering my cleavage wasn’t), so I kicked it with my expensive fuck me heel. It sort of rolled – in the wrong direction- towards the guy I was dancing with and hit his foot. He looked down and I bolted for the bathroom. I ditched the remaining twin in the trash, told a girlfriend I was feeling sick & needed to leave. She had to go gather the others in the group we were with, while I hid out in the ladies’ room.

I swear my face stayed bright red for days! I don’t know who else saw what happened, but I’m sure people at least noticed my abrupt change in bustiness. Not to mention my strange sudden affinity for baggy shirts. They probably all suspected I was preggie.

Title: What a beautiful lady you are Nikki
“Hi, my name is Dimitri, I am a Greek-American, living in MY AREA. I am recently divorced, father of 4 boys, (yes I do not know how to make girls… lol)

Saw your profile and I thought of sending you a message. Are you single?

kisses on your forehead
Dimitri”

Dimitri, I’m glad you feel having 4 boys shows how virile you are. Do you actually raise them, or are you too busy trying to find chicks on myspace? Do you have a job & pay child support? You know, MY AREA has strong penalties against deadbeat dads.

And, no, I’m not single; I state that I am happily married about 50 times, numbnuts, just so assholes like you won’t hit on me.

knees to your groin,
Nikki

Title: Hi
“you sound nice and real unlike a lot of women on here…….…I am new to myspace and thought this would be a good way to find someone looking for the same as I was.
i am Italian/Spanish, 6’2, tanned olive skin, dark hair, live in MY AREA, have a great sense of humor, own my business and ideally ( life is not ideal, but it never hurts to try……lol ) looking for one friend, fun and intimacy. Been too busy working and travelling all over in and outside the US for the past 2 yrs ………..if you are looking for the same then we can talk/chat first and see how it goes.
My email is I WON”T BE THAT MEAN AND POST IT@msn.com and if you have yahoo IM then you can message me at LOSER.

looking forward
alan”

No, Alan, like most women on here I am a mean bitch. You’re right, though, I am real. So I’m not going to sugar coat this. You’re sad and pathetic. If girls in the real world don’t find you attractive or remotely interesting, pretending to be something you’re not online isn’t going to help. Sure, you might get a little cybersex until the girl figures it out, but shit, I hear the porn sites are all running specials. You don’t even have to bother with the lying and exaggerating on there.

Goodluck & get lost,
Nikki

Title: No Subject
“Hello Miss Lady,

How are you doing? I hope all is well. I would love to get to know you if that is possible? My name is Horatio but my friends call me “Q”. I have been back in MY AREA for almost a year now. I move from New Orleans “Before the Katrina”. If you cool with getting to know me you could give me a call or IM me on Yahoo. My user name is Q SUMTHINSUMTHIN@yahoo.com

If you are cool with us getting to know each other..hit me back if not I still respect your wishes.. It was truly a pleasure getting to know you.

Thanks…..Hopefully I will talk to you soon…

Q “

Q,
Is Horatio too difficult for your friends to say? Or are you upset your mom gave you a lame name? Glad you made it out before the storm but the only way I’d hit you back is with a very large bat.
Wow, that’s some talent you have; getting to know me while you do all the talking/writing. Very impressive. I guess there’s really no reason for us to communicate ever again, is there?!

You’re welcome,
Nikki

That’s all I could dig up. It’s no wonder Myspace gets a bad rap.