Do you ever get those dreams where you wake up pissed off at your spouse/significant other? Like they really did the terrible things you concocted in your subconscious mind? Michael & I each had one of those this past week.

He wakes me up at god knows what hour to tell me about the bad dream he had. Apparently I became paranoid about the government or something, and started buying guns. I don’t know if it was Waco-ish or what, but it scared the shit out of him. Or maybe it was the 2nd part, where I opened up a ton of new credit cards. Doesn’t sound that frightening to me, but whatever.

He’s got a Bachelor party for one of his best friends next weekend. So I dreamed he went to this sex club where they let you watch people..only he decided to join in. My intuition must have kicked in, because I showed up to drag his ass home, but he wouldn’t leave. I woke up livid. I didn’t tell him about my dream- I had calmed down by the time he woke up (You see, I’m FAR more considerate when I have a nightmare!)

So the other night, we’re sitting in front of the tv, wishing there was something decent to watch, and Michael mentions that he got an e-mail from one of the other groomsmen, trying to figure out what they’re doing for the Bachelor Party. Their plans so far consisted of Hooters followed by barhopping. Kinda lame, but definitely tame & good for married men. This guy suggested that they should go to a strip club. A really Skanky one. I’m not saying we have a lot of classy ‘exotic dance establishments’ in the ATL, but this one is plain nasty. I really wouldn’t be surprised if the people do fuck back in the VIP room of this place. So I blurt out “You know you’re not allowed to go to any titty bars without me!” He responds with “Well I’m sure I could sneak you in.” I realized I was overreacting, but told him he’d better go to one of the ones I approve of, where the girls are more unapproachable & don’t look like they’d give a blowjob for 5 bucks.

The next day, I’m going through the mail. Michael walks in to take his (the bills! ha!), and sees a fat envelope from Nordstroms. He feels the envelope and his eyes widen as he feels the card in there. I could see his brain working.. I quickly say “Remember, honey, I TOLD you I got that one! I had to buy a dress for so&so’s wedding and I get $20 back for every $100 I spend with it!” I pull out the other envelope with my rewards certificate. I see the pulse in his neck slow down, as he, too realizes he was reacting from his dream. At least I didn’t buy a gun with it. I will, though if he goes to that disease ridden strip club.